The Questions
Patterns are all around us in life’s journey, if we are open to seeing them. Patterns tell us the story that lies beneath and provides deeper meaning to our experience. The questions for Elephant in the Room were discovered through the patterns of conversations I have with my patients every day. There are several themes:
What are your fears and apprehension in dying?
What are your wishes when you get sick?
If you needed it, who do you want caring for you and making medical decisions for you?
How do you want to spend your last moments in your life?
What do you value most in life?
How do you define a life worth living?
How do you want to be remembered?
What legacy do you want to leave?
Again and again these questions or various forms of these questions come up in my conversations with patients every day. We explore what the questions mean to them. Interestingly enough, the conversation is always evolving. Their answers are often not set in stone and change as their situation changes. Which means conversations on death, dying, sickness, aging, and living a full life are conversations to continuously have as we grow and change as humans.
Most importantly these are conversations that need to begin now - before you get sick. Maybe Elephant in the Room can decrease the amount of times we say or hear the following statement, “I wish we had talked about all this sooner.”
Elephant in the Room was born to be a conduit to discuss these topics with family and close friends without the conversation being medicalized.
One of the best things about the Elephant deck is that it can be played again and again across a lifetime and you will have different answers to the questions. Why does this happen? Because life happens and it changes our opinions and perspectives.
Not knowing if the idea of a conversational game with this purpose would work, I invited several groups of people to play the game (outside in 2021 open air, socially distanced of course #COVID) and observed. People not only explored how they felt about each card, they also often wanted to have discussions about the topics of the cards with each other.
Naturally, there was story-telling of personal experience or events in ones life. The discussions that flowed increased intimacy and connection of those playing. There was laughter, tears and some silence filled with reflection.
I am so thankful for these individuals who were willing to be guinea pigs. You know who are! Please know you taught me that the game was not only possible but how it is a tool. You all provided valuable feedback that helped to improve Elephant in the Room. Thank you!
Most of the content of these cards can be discussed with each other in the privacy and intimacy of your home space. Some of the content might bring up deeper questions that you feel you do need a medical professional to help you to explore the deeper meaning. The intention of the cards and the game is to incite conversation and thought. But, it often is only the beginning of the conversation.
*** If you do find yourself in a medically complex time in your life, please use these cards as a starting point and discuss further with a medical professional for deeper guidance whether it’s your primary care physician or your local palliative care provider.
